Amidst the hustles and bustles of New Year’s Eve in my neighborhood, I choose to plunge my room in absolute darkness-I turn off the lights and close all the curtains.
I am 18 year old Neha Karki and you might deem my activities to be bizarre and abnormal, however, I am not abnormal; I have been turned into an abnormal girl from a bubbly and enthusiastic girl- a girl who was high with her enthusiasm and dreams has been murdered by this society; yes, my body still exists physically in this world, but this bulk of flesh and bones has no spirit in it, you see.
Why and how I was murdered, you might ask. How the society can be a murderer, you might be wondering. After all, the society is supposed to nurture and develop people. But in my case, the society murdered my spirit and left a lifeless body on this earth to suffer.
My only mistake was that I descended on this earth as a girl- whose honor and chastity was locked in the most vulnerable part of her body- HER VAGINA!!!!
I was raped physically by a guy who tried to quench his male ego and lust by raping my body. However, the story doesn’t end here. Had I shut up and not seek for justice, the rape would have ended. But Alas, I didn’t; I spoke up, thinking I would be bestowed upon justice by the society; all of my expectations were brutally shattered- the society further raped me spiritually as well.
The scars were limited merely within my body until I didn’t speak for justice; the society made my spirit bleed and left my soul aloof with deep scars until it turned out to be lifeless and worthless. And today, here I am spiritless and lifeless jotting down my story in my diary amidst plunged darkness whilst the rest of the country jotting down New Year resolutions for brighter years ahead.
Why I am writing all this, you might ask, after all I am a “nobody” and nobody cares what happened with me. Folks, this is not a mere complain letter; my intention of writing this is to ask this HONORABLE SOCIETY the meaning of HONOR.
Was being raped my mistake? Was I responsible for being raped? Why am I forced to live a disgraceful and unloved life while the rapist left free with a mere punishment of a living in jail for a few days? Why am I looked upon as a person who brought shame and dishonor to my family and society?
Why did the society place my honor and chastity in my vagina, making me vulnerable to lose my honor easily???? Why didn’t it place my honor in my soul instead??? Had my honor been measured by my traits and my soul, I wouldn’t have been so vulnerable of losing my honor.
Why didn’t that rapist lose his honor when he ripped off my clothes, left scars on my body and raped me? Where does the honor of that rapist lie? Why isn’t he vulnerable to losing his honor? Just of the fact that he has an enlarged clitoris, is he privileged to feed his egos and lust by ripping off a woman’s clothes?
Dear society, these are my questions to you, before I ingest this poison and let this body free as well- free form this society which has no answers to my questions- free from this patriarchal living hell where being a girl is a crime. This New Year, I have decided to let this mere body free as well, with the hope that in my next birth (if it happens), I descend as a male so that this HONORABLE SOCIETY can no longer place my HONOR in “MY VAGINA”.